'That moment' when you should say goodbye to a friend

In our book 'You Should Be As Young As You Think, co-author Tim Drake makes a stunning observation. He says acquaintances can be divided into two camps - 'Radiators' and 'Drains'.

Radiators are people who beam a warm glow of energy and joy wherever they go. They are life-enhancing and a pleasure to be with.

Drains, on the other hand, are joyless and life-reducing. What's more, they suck the life out of their environment - and that includes their closest friends. As we say in the book "they are poisonous and to be avoided at all costs".

Here's an example of a Drain. A long time ago, I was a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce. We had all sorts of members but most had an 'up-for-it' approach to life. Then one day a new member joined. She was not like the rest of us, and clearly had personal problems. In a great show of solidarity, everyone rallied round to integrate her and boost her confidence. Week after week, people made great efforts to help her in every way imaginable. From time to time, it seemed to be working and she would seem more confident only to slip back into introversion and depression once more.

Eventually, people assigned her to the 'Drain' category - for she had a classic joyless profile. However, one member, a generous and gregarious soul, persisted. She just wouldn't let go of the newcomer. She really took her under her wing and spent hours befriending her and coaching her. Needless to say, it was to no avail. A Drain is a Drain is a Drain. This lady defined herself by her misery. Unfortunately, our good Samaritan took so long to see this that, she too, began to get down and miserable.

Eventually she did let go of her millstone. I was there when it happened. She simply turned to the Drain and said that she could give no more, that she was completely and utterly exhausted emotionally and that she would now be turning her attention back to her husband and kids.

Drains, by definition, drain energy and life out of everyone around and it's important to recognise one when you see one and limit your time with them - or cut your ties entirely. Is this cruel? Maybe. But life is hard enough as it is, without having all your resources sapped by one selfish individual.

But, comes the question, how do you know when its time to cut the link? My answer is to listen closely to your instincts and then you'll know very well when the time comes. Again a brief example.

I was friends with a work colleague for a long time. And for a long time, I came away from evenings together feeling deflated and frustrated. He was also very opportunistic. Rich by birth, he paid for absolutely nothing, always expecting others to cough up with laim excuses about having forgotten his wallet etc, etc. However, as a friend, I accepted all of this until 'that moment' arrived. We were at a party and deep in conversation when suddenly the flow dried up. I think we both realised, at that moment, that we were not connecting, not on the same page at all. Simultaneously, I realised that this relationship was bad for me - and had been for some time. There were no arguments, no fights, no recriminations. The friendship was just over. This particular Drain no longer had hold over me - and we've not been back in contact since.

Everyday is a Young Brain Challenge

If staying young is one of your key aims, then you have to be up to the challenge every single day of your life. This is a massive commitment but it's the only way.

Of course, some days you will fall short of your goal. Everyone does. That just means redoubling your efforts the next day and the day after.

This thought came to mind the other day when I fell short. I called a friend and asked if we could meet to discuss his holiday to South Africa as I'd like to go there with my family. He happily agreed and asked where I'd like to meet for lunch. Instantaneously I sufggested a restaurant where we'd met a couple of times before. Only then did I realise how Old Brained this reaction was. So I stopped myself and told him I'd come back with when and where.

Not surprisingly, after 5 minutes on the web, I came up with a funky African restaurant to match our theme.

A week or so later, we met and had a wonderfully original meal full of unknown spices and exotic fish! Of course, I was happy to have come up with a Young Brain solution but was equally horrified at how easy it was to fall into stick-in-the-mud thinking. Truly, to rejuvenate, it's important to be on your guard - everyday.

Holiday fun

Part of being young at heart is enjoying a good belly-laugh or engaging in innocent horse-play.
So I thought I'd bring a smile to your Summer with something seriously funny - and topical.

So thanks to http://myitforum.com/ here are some great 'out of the office' automatic email replies:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of Dave.

How to be young without make-up or surgery

Have you ever thought about breast augmentation or liposuction? Or perhaps eyelid surgery or dermal filler treatments? You have? Not surprising then that the market for surgical and non-surgical procedures is rising at 20%+ per year. In Britain the total money spent by people looking for a lift to their looks is now almost £500million according to Research and Markets (quoted in The Cosmetic Surgery Market Report, 2008).

But, there is another way! You can be more youthful without undergoing the knife. And this is a technique that requires almost no financial outlay.

So, what is the secret of eternal youth? The surprisingly simple solution is that you need to think young to become young. Going about your life with a youthful mindset will keep life fresh and fulfilling. A genuine elixir.

If you want to know about the six steps to staying younger and feeling sharper, order the following book now: 'You Can Be As Young As You Think' by Tim Drake and Chris Middleton.

Everyone wants to rejuvenate

The desire to be younger has, in some quarters, got a bad name. Some think this urge is about total vanity. Others think you should accept your lot and just grow old with dignity. Both are wrong.

Wanting to be young again has little to do with narcissism and everything to do with staying relevant and giving your all in the short time we have on earth. It's about welcoming change, being open to others, taking risks and having fun along the way. It's also about caring for your own personal growth so that you can help others more effectively.

A few weeks ago, Tim Drake and I presented the main findings of our two year analysis on personal rejuvenation to a high level business audience in Manchester. All were in agreement. Being successful in business, as in life, needs young thinking - it needs leaders to have Young Brains.

One company director, only 38 years old, spoke up. "I consider myself young, especially compared to others around me. I now realise that I, myself, have got older than I thought. There is definitely room for me to rejuvenate".

But it's not only business people who benefit from rejuvenation. Tim and I also spoke to a well-known millionaire who said to us: " I think the concept is brilliant. I have a relatively young brain but it is getting younger by the day now!"

Meanwhile, we have given our book 'You Can Be As Young As You Think' to two long-time BBC TV presenters, Mark Ellen (Old Grey Whistle Test) and Peter Duncan (Blue Peter). Both are Young Brains. And both agree with rejuvenation to such an extent that they've gracefully written respective recommendations on the back cover of our book.

So wanting to be young is not about egotistical vanity. People want and need to rejuvenate - be they business persons, millionaires, celebrities or, indeed, people like you and me.

Paradox is the friend of Young Brains

Yes, there is a great temptation for people to slip into defeatist, Old Brained, thinking especially in tough times like these. This has to be fought hard against.

One of the key issues in times of uncertainty is the ability to be able to cope with paradox and over-abundance of choice. Faced with this, Older Brains tend to give into the temptation to sink into a comfort zone where they pretend that uncertainty and complexity don't exist and where everything is black and white. And usually more black than white.

The point is that this leads to anxiety, negative thinking, and a general giving up on the world today. In abandoning the rich, multicoloured tapestry of life, they start to accept limitations and eventually death.

The reality is that we live in incredibly exciting and challenging times, and it matters a lot that we get into gear and want to make a difference. Getting back to Young Brained thinking - especially for young people - is crucial to re-energising ourselves to take on the challenges.

In doing so, complexity and paradox become accepted as an inherent part of a complicated and richly textured world.

Would you take the plunge?

Henry Allingham is no ordinary person. Not only did he fight in the First World War trenches and live to tell the tale but he was recently confirmed the world's oldest man. At 113, Henry says that the secret to a long life is keeping within your personal capacities.

Of course, knowing your limitations is wise advice. No point trying to swim the English Channel if you can't manage a short workout in your local pool. However, there are many aspects of life where pushing your limits is good council. For example, the chronically shy would do well to nudge themselves out of their comfort zone and talk to the taxi driver. From such small steps, great things come. Soon they could find themselves talking to a stranger in the local supermarket and, eventually, the day will come when they meet someone and make a new friend.

This is part and parcel of what we are talking about when we use the term 'Young Brain'. Young Brains are those people who push past their inhibitions and find new excitement out of life as a consequence - a new mate, a different place to visit, an inspiring career move.

I was thinking about all of this today. For the first time, I was asked to do a solo live radio interview. The BBC's Mike Powell was to ring at 2.40pm and question me about our book 'You Can Be As Young As You Think'. Of course, I'd prepared but my heart was beating in my chest when the phone suddenly rang. Here goes, I thought. It was time to extend myself beyond my previous limitations!

And the truth is that, with a Young Brain attitude, I was able to give a fairly good account of myself and, hopefully, give a nice boost to the book's sales.

Would you? Would you be up for a live radio interview in front of thousands of listeners? Or, would you rather keep within your current capacities?

Of course, I'm not saying rise to every challenge - remember the failed Channel swimmer - but when something is within reach, give it a go. Prove to yourself that you have a Young Brain and that, in the future, you will be a bigger person than you are today.

Young like Bond.....James Bond

When you think about it, the Bond films have been amazing. Going since the early 60s, the film franchise is continually updated, always fresh and relevant.

Think, for example, about that standard feature, the Bond Girl. Starting with Ursula Andress, the Bond girl has been constantly rejuvenated. As time has gone by, she has become more assertive, less an adornment on Bond's arm or a victim that our hero rescues. In most recent films, she has become fundamental to the success of the mission. She has even, in Eva Green's incarnation Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale), been giving Bond the runaround!

This came to mind yesterday when I saw our now-launched book
'You Can Be As Young As You Think' on sales in Waterstones (a UK bookstore) next to Roger Moore's autobiography!

Surely the script-writers of the Bond series have Young Brains! They are in touch with social changes and have moved the films beyond conservative stereotypes and into 21st Century modern living.

Knowing when to hold your tongue

There are many potential traps we can fall into in our quest to have a youthful approach to our lifes. One is to go all out to ape today's youth. Copying today's street slang or teenager's clothes styles simply gets an older person into trouble. As Tim Drake says 'mutton dressed as lamb' is not a desirable label to have.

A second sticky point is to believe that rejuvenation gives you the license to make all the mistakes of your youth again. As we say in our book, 'You Can Be As Young As You Think' maturity should bring benefits - what we call The Wisdom of Experience.

Not everyone gets wiser as they get older - but some do learn the lessons of life as they go. We list 6 key wisdoms that come with age in the last chapter of our book - 'Eternal Youth'. One of these is 'an enviable equanimity' and I experienced a perfect example of this last week.

You see, Tim and I are very excited as co-authors, knowing that our book hits British bookshops on June 1st 2009. It's been such a long time coming! However, we were set back on our heels last week when our editor announced that the book was coming off the presses but they'd noticed a typo on the back cover! I won't spoilt your pleasure in spotting this whopper. You'll have to buy the book for that. But here's my point.

A younger version of myself would have got very hot under the collar. Young people are nothing if not impetuous and hot-headed; they rage against the world and its injustices. However, with maturity you get a sense that the best way to deal with the slings and arrows of bad fortune is to grin and bear it. The growing capacity to behave with grace under pressure is one of the greatest boons of increasing years.

So, on your journey to a younger you, don't take on all the clothes of the young; choose judiciously between the Wisdom of Youth and the follies of youth. Our book will help you come out on the right side.

17 Again

Would you like to be 17 again?

It's a familiar fantasy. By magically rolling back the clock, you'd suddenly have a teenager's thin and athletic body again. You'd have all your life in front of you. And most importantly, perhaps, you'd be able to 'start again' and avoid all the mistakes you've made in your life.

This fantasy is shared by Mike O'Donnell in the recent Hollywood film 17 Again. Mike gives up on a scholarship when he is 17 to marry his sweetheart who is pregnant. And he spends the next 20 years in a bad mood. He should have gone into higher education. He would have been a basketball superstar. And his wife is the culprit! She 'forced' him into choosing early family life.

Of course, with such a reproachful husband, divorce is her only alternative and 37 year old Mike finds himself living without his wife and on non-speaking terms with his two kids. And so he wishes he were 17 Again.

And he gets the chance when a bit of Hollywood-style magic lets him wake up as his 17 year old former self, ready to start student life again.

Rather than spoil the plot, let's just cut to the moral of the story. Mike eventually discovers that, for him, the importance of being a teenager, once again, is not that it allows him to cut it, once more, on the basketball court. Nor is it about being sexually attractive to young women. Given the chance to rejuvenate, he finds that he uses the opportunity to pursue what he truly wants most of all in life. And that is to get really close to his wife and protect and nurture his kids.

I watched the film with my family last night and I came away agreeing with the moral of the story. Aiming to rejuvenate is not, ultimately, about giving yourself a teenage make-over. But rather, it's about: renewing your ability to see what is positive and real in your life today; having a reborn ambition to strive for these goals; and rediscovering the dynamic energy to make them happen.