Do happiness workshops make you happy?

I was invited along to a birthday party of an old university friend last week. As always, it was good to get out, catch up with old acquaintances and meet new people.

However, this was also a party with a difference, since my friend had arranged to kick things off with a happiness workshop. These are all the rage here in France ('atelier de rire') and increasingly used by businesses as a pick-me-up for staff.

The session involved us standing in a circle and being incited to do silly things, make animal noises, introduce ourselves in funny ways etc. The routines were inventive but most finished by asking participants to let rip with a real belly laugh.

If I'm fair, the session worked as best it could. The animator was excellent (a trained actor and business coach) and everyone participated fully and freely - in what some might have found embarrassing circumstances.

However, the problem with laughter workshops lays with their conception. Laughter is a spontaneous outflow of emotion. It's not something you can liberate by asking or inciting people to be happy. Forcing yourself to laugh artificially turns out to be rather depressing. For when you laugh in a genuine way, there's an upwelling of positive feelings which accompany the action. Laughing for the sake of it lacks that warm emotion and, in its absence, feels hollow and rather sad.

I wouldn't say the session flopped, since it broke the ice and strangers felt they knew each other by the end of the hour's workout; the party got off to a great start as a consequence. However, as in most things in life, the real deal is when people laugh in an authentic, genuine way.

If you have a Young Brain and associate with other Young Brains, chances are you do not need the rather artificial prompt of a laughter coach. Your life will be already filled with fun and the laughter tears will flow regularly and copiously.

On another subject, I've recently come across a couple of good blogs for older 'Young Brains'. Have a look at http://getreadyforretirement.co.uk and http://www.sixtyplussurfers.com

Blowing open the assumptions about ageing

Are you one of those people who believe that ageing brings new wisdom and a better perspective on life? What if you have it upside down? Could it be that life was simpler when you were younger because you were better at living it?

Lots of social research points to the fact that the young have an approach to life which is more positive and leads to more fulfillment. For example, the young are simply more sociable. As people get older, they withdraw and fall back on a smaller and smaller circle of friends. And going out in crowds becomes terrifying - rather than exciting.

As for the wisdom of age, perhaps FP Jones was on to something when he said:

"Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again".

So perhaps it's time to start challenging some of the common assumptions about ageing. Here are three truisms about the ageing process which go against the average view:

1. Ageing is more about how you think than how you look (so forget about botox and start looking at mindset change)

2. Wisdom is not only something you learn. You were born with a natural wisdom - the Wisdom of Youth (so work hard to regain what you've lost with the passage of time and don't think life is going to get easier, just because you are older)

3. People drift into 'old' thinking (grumpy and negative) as early as their early 20s (avoid become old before your time by rejuvenating your thoughts and acquiring a 'Young Brain').

It's been said that 'ageing' is the obsession of our times. If that's so, better start with the right assumption base.

Hopes and Fears. What do people really think about ageing?

Ever since we wrote our book about fighting the ageing process, we've had lots of people come up expressing their hopes and fears about getting old. It's certainly a topic which arouses high emotions!

Common debates are: is it better to grow old gracefully? Should we really regret our youth? Is it possible that we don't get wiser as we get older? Can we really remain youthful into our 60s and 70s?

The Guardian newspaper carried a piece about ageing this week. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/oct/12/charlie-brooker?commentpage=5

As is often the case, the interest came from the comments, rather than the article itself. Here are a few of the opinions of readers about ageing:

Having just suffered another birthday I realise that the older I get the more I try and act as some sort of self-appointed lighthouse-keeper, trying to dissuade those lucky to be younger than me to steer clear from the rocks of addled age I imagine I ran aground upon years ago.

I hate looking back on all the chances I've wasted in my life. Why couldn't I see that I wasn't fat, that I wasn't ugly, that I really could have done anything I wanted to do if I'd only worked a bit harder and been prouder of myself?

Dunno what all the fuss is about. I'm 71 and think that aging is great fun. Usually up before 3am whence I take my dog for a 4 mile walk. Dance 4/5 times a week, play bridge 3 times a week, hike/backup/ camp every weekend, writing 2 books (already written 50). July backpacked 6 days in Sierra Nevada, Aug camped out on ferry Alaska. This weekend backpacking Catalina Island 3 days. end of month NZ for 5 weeks.

I used to shave my ears and cut my nose hair, but recently I've let it all grow into a comb over to cover my balding head.

38? 48? 58? If you feel OK, why worry? If you're obsessing about your age, you obviously aren't having enough fun.

I would say the point at which you stop being interested in anything new that is happening and constantly harp on about the good old years is the point at which you become old. For some this happens when they are young 21,22,23,24 others are able to keep a youthful vitality. My point of view is to do everything you can until the point that you physically can't. Physically many people are able to do a lot into their 60s and 70s.

Reading through the hundreds of comments, it was easy to divide the readers into two camps. Those with a positive outlook on ageing who were ready to face the battle by staying youthful and those ready to give up and get depressed about the prospect.

If you are one of those in the positive camp, read our book ('You Can Be As Young As You Think') for helpful hints on how to stay fresh, sharp and in touch.

If there is one book you should read this year

We all wish we could stay young forever. But ageing has a way of creeping up on us.

When did life get so serious? Why is it, as we grow older, we don't laugh as much? Why do we stop seeing the opportunities and the excitement and instead start feeling drained, cynical and out-of-touch? And just when did we turn into our parents?

Tim Drake and I spent over two years researching these very issues - and we came to a surprisingly simple insight - ageing really is all in the mind. In our ground-breaking book, 'You Can Be As Young As You Think', we show how you can test your brain's age and then train your brain to think younger, feel younger and be sharper.

You see, through our research, we uncovered the secrets of rejuvenation. These are the 6 Wisdoms of Youth. Each one is a powerful antedote to getting old - yet each one is surprisingly easy to apply through a series of practical tasks. Anyone, whatever their age, can learn these Wisdoms and truly rejuvenate their thinking - and their lives.

Here are some of the benefits you could reap from reading 'You Can Be As Young As You Think' :

- learn how to think with a 'Young Brain' and face life head-on with positivity and enthusiasm

- avoid becoming grumpy & irrelevant

- look younger, feel younger, act younger

- regain or retain everything you loved about being young

- be surrounded by people who make life worth living

- live a more fulfilling, successful and happier life

- aim towards eternal youth by leaving a legacy

In short, our life changing book helps you rediscover your youthful self and live the life you are only dreaming about. What other book promises you that?

And, of course, if you are a life coach, this book is sure to give you new insights into your work with clients.

'You Can Be As Young As You Think' was published by Pearson in May 2009. Place a order through http://www.amazon.co.uk

'That moment' when you should say goodbye to a friend

In our book 'You Should Be As Young As You Think, co-author Tim Drake makes a stunning observation. He says acquaintances can be divided into two camps - 'Radiators' and 'Drains'.

Radiators are people who beam a warm glow of energy and joy wherever they go. They are life-enhancing and a pleasure to be with.

Drains, on the other hand, are joyless and life-reducing. What's more, they suck the life out of their environment - and that includes their closest friends. As we say in the book "they are poisonous and to be avoided at all costs".

Here's an example of a Drain. A long time ago, I was a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce. We had all sorts of members but most had an 'up-for-it' approach to life. Then one day a new member joined. She was not like the rest of us, and clearly had personal problems. In a great show of solidarity, everyone rallied round to integrate her and boost her confidence. Week after week, people made great efforts to help her in every way imaginable. From time to time, it seemed to be working and she would seem more confident only to slip back into introversion and depression once more.

Eventually, people assigned her to the 'Drain' category - for she had a classic joyless profile. However, one member, a generous and gregarious soul, persisted. She just wouldn't let go of the newcomer. She really took her under her wing and spent hours befriending her and coaching her. Needless to say, it was to no avail. A Drain is a Drain is a Drain. This lady defined herself by her misery. Unfortunately, our good Samaritan took so long to see this that, she too, began to get down and miserable.

Eventually she did let go of her millstone. I was there when it happened. She simply turned to the Drain and said that she could give no more, that she was completely and utterly exhausted emotionally and that she would now be turning her attention back to her husband and kids.

Drains, by definition, drain energy and life out of everyone around and it's important to recognise one when you see one and limit your time with them - or cut your ties entirely. Is this cruel? Maybe. But life is hard enough as it is, without having all your resources sapped by one selfish individual.

But, comes the question, how do you know when its time to cut the link? My answer is to listen closely to your instincts and then you'll know very well when the time comes. Again a brief example.

I was friends with a work colleague for a long time. And for a long time, I came away from evenings together feeling deflated and frustrated. He was also very opportunistic. Rich by birth, he paid for absolutely nothing, always expecting others to cough up with laim excuses about having forgotten his wallet etc, etc. However, as a friend, I accepted all of this until 'that moment' arrived. We were at a party and deep in conversation when suddenly the flow dried up. I think we both realised, at that moment, that we were not connecting, not on the same page at all. Simultaneously, I realised that this relationship was bad for me - and had been for some time. There were no arguments, no fights, no recriminations. The friendship was just over. This particular Drain no longer had hold over me - and we've not been back in contact since.

Medicine makes you old!

I'm one of those people who avoid taking medicine if at all possible. My wife, meanwhile, is a pharmacist and encourages me to take pills and potions on all possible occasions. So you can imagine that this subject is a source of stress at home!

What about others? Take the French for example. A typical patient will feel positively cheated if he/she leaves a doctors surgery without 5 different prescription medicines. No wonder the French store medicines in cabinets in the kitchen rather than first aid boxes in the bathroom!
Now, I've always thought that people's views about medicine were limited to perceptions of efficacity and safety. But it turns out I was wrong. People link taking medicine with their age!

Advertising agency DDB recently surveyed consumers across 11 countries. They found, for example, that 77% of the Chinese feel that taking a medicine everyday makes you feel old. 70% of inhabitants of Singapore feel the same way. What they seem to be saying is that, if you have to take medicine, you must be near to death's door.

Other cultures take a different view. In the US, for example, only 39% link medicine to feeling old. On the contrary, 61% feel that taking a medicine everyday makes you feel healthy.

It would take an enormous effort to get beyond these statistics and read real meaning into them. Are the differences due to the respective health systems? The availability of different drugs and natural remedies? The breadth of preventative medicines? The cost structure?

Nevertheless, one thing is sure. Taking medicine is not neutral. Beyond the physiological effects, pill popping can have psychological impacts too. For some, taking drugs is a sign of age and decay. If you have one of these profiles, be careful about what you are taking and why. You may be inadvertently accelerating your descent into Old Brain thinking.

Everyday is a Young Brain Challenge

If staying young is one of your key aims, then you have to be up to the challenge every single day of your life. This is a massive commitment but it's the only way.

Of course, some days you will fall short of your goal. Everyone does. That just means redoubling your efforts the next day and the day after.

This thought came to mind the other day when I fell short. I called a friend and asked if we could meet to discuss his holiday to South Africa as I'd like to go there with my family. He happily agreed and asked where I'd like to meet for lunch. Instantaneously I sufggested a restaurant where we'd met a couple of times before. Only then did I realise how Old Brained this reaction was. So I stopped myself and told him I'd come back with when and where.

Not surprisingly, after 5 minutes on the web, I came up with a funky African restaurant to match our theme.

A week or so later, we met and had a wonderfully original meal full of unknown spices and exotic fish! Of course, I was happy to have come up with a Young Brain solution but was equally horrified at how easy it was to fall into stick-in-the-mud thinking. Truly, to rejuvenate, it's important to be on your guard - everyday.

Slow suicide: avoid new things at your peril

I've done it myself frequently. Something new comes along and I don't even give it a serious thought. It's different - and that's awkward when it comes to running my life. And so I dismiss it out of hand.

Here's three (shameful) examples.

1. Many, many years ago, I was a consultant for a big blue-chip company in the UK - Boots The Chemist. The challenge was, did we want to join a consortium and place mobile telephone antenna in all 1000 stores? Now, this was 1989 and cell phones were virtually unheard of. So, rather than ask intelligent questions around the idea, I dismissed it out of hand. Why on earth would anyone want to carry a phone around with them when there were hundreds of thousands of telephone cabins across the land? I had, in fact, ignored the potential of what turned out to be one of the key trends of the last 20 years! And all because it was new.

2. Similarly, in 1998, I was working for a company that had just had 'e-mail' installed. This, I should add was just one computer on one floor and turned on just once a day to see if we'd received any e-mails. In other words, we treated it a bit like the postman arriving! The point is, at first, I just couldn't see the need. Faxes were great. Who needed e-mails? Again, I was petrified by the new.

3. Today, I aim to be up with trends - sometimes even ahead of them. However, the other day I did feel resistant to using a 'Velib'. These are the 'almost free, publically available' bikes on almost every street corner in Paris. A great concept - but how to go about renting one? On this particular occasion, I pushed myself to experiment and was soon experiencing the exhilarating joy and freedom of cycling around one of the worlds most beautiful cities.

So, some rather embarassing examples - BUT - I bet you are like me - resistant to change and anything new. But, life has taught me that I miss out on so much if I'm not open to novelty. Indeed, I pass by everything that's fresh, energising and interesting about living when I refuse to embrace the new. This is why rejection of change is like slow suicide. By saying "no" to new things, you say "yes" to atrophy.

Live the Wisdom in three easy steps:

1. When something new comes your way, catch yourself being negative or obstructive: keep a very open mind in those first few critical seconds.

2. With that openness, explore the new idea/concept/product. What's it about? How does it work? Could it catch on? How could it help you and others? Be analytical and imaginative.

3. Still not convinced? Then try it out. Do a test run. Plunge in the deep end and give it a go.

Only when you've gone through 1,2,3 will you truly know whether this one is for you. If it is, then rejoice - you've just turned your back on slow suicide.

Holiday fun

Part of being young at heart is enjoying a good belly-laugh or engaging in innocent horse-play.
So I thought I'd bring a smile to your Summer with something seriously funny - and topical.

So thanks to http://myitforum.com/ here are some great 'out of the office' automatic email replies:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of Dave.

Institutional thinking is Old Brain thinking

We have described Old Brained thinking as negative, grumpy and out-of-touch. Others use different terms to describe the same phenomenon.

I was struck today by how, Thomas Power, founder of Ecademy, defined Old Brained thinking as: Closed, Selective and Controlling. Except he wasn't defining Old Brain thinking as such but Institutional thinking. However, it amounts to the same thing; for Institution read Old Brain.

Thomas Power goes on to describe Network thinking. Networks are Open, Accept Everything, Random and Supportive. This, to me, is also a good proxy for Young Brain thinking.

So, what's this telling us? Big institutions (schools, charities, health services, companies, governments) have Old Brained cultures, almost by definition (for reasons of governance and public interest, for example). However, the world and society more specifically is evolving to a more networked place (see Facebook, Twitter, Myspace and LinkedIn). Since the world is becoming Young Brained, shouldn't you too?

Read our book 'You Can Be As Young As You Think' to find out how. And watch Thomas Power on Youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4IpLo0rKkE&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eecademy%2Ecom%2Faccount%2Ephp%3Fid%3D8&feature=player_embedded